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Jan
8
Written by:
DeShawn Snow
Thursday, January 08, 2009
One week before Christmas, my aunt Debbie passed away. She had been in and out of the hospital and rehabilitation center for the past six months. And while there is some uncertainty about her actual cause of death, one thing for certain, I know that she is in a better place and is no longer suffering.
Debbie is the oldest sister of my father. Although I was not as close to my father’s side of the family as I was to my mother’s side, Debbie would always come to all of my events (graduation, wedding, children’s birthday parties, etc). She and her husband were so proud of me! She was a beautiful person, inside and out, with a beautiful (singing) voice. I will really miss her.
During the funeral and at the dinner following, I had a chance to catch up with my family. The majority of them got a chance to meet my boys for the first time. There were some people there that I hadn’t seen since I was younger; and there were some that I have seen within the past year or two, but haven’t spoken to since I seen them. Later that evening, a couple childhood and college friends and family from my mother’s side of the family came to our hotel suite to visit and play games.
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In Loving Memory,
Aunt Debbie |
Me and Aunt Debbie at her 20 year Wedding Renewal -- I was the original flower girl at the first wedding |
December 27, 2008 was the day that we celebrated the life of my aunt, Deborah Harris. It was also the day that I realized the value of family—in particular, extended family. Life is too short.
You see, I had made myself not as available. Certain family members (on both my mother’s and father’s side) would always ask me for money. This would always complicate things for me.
I know that they were only asking as a last resort. However, I had multiple people (friends and family) asking me constantly. It was to the point that I had to have one telephone number that I would designate as the “money phone” (no one else would know it was called that). I would let it go to voicemail and would only check the messages every blue moon. And since I wasn’t equipped with the proper tools to deal with it, I would shut down and become unavailable to everyone across the board. It was just easier for me that way.
But the untimely death of my aunt, helped me to realize that I could not go on this way. I love my family and they love me. While none of us are perfect, we are all each other have. They were the ones whose prayers got me through my childhood/teenage years. They are the ones who I know love me for me and not for what I have. I have made the decision to reconnect with my family. I am learning how to set healthy boundaries. And although I can’t see them often, I will call and text frequently, and make a point to have a family game night or dinner when I do come to town.
As always, I am transparent with you in hopes that you may glean something from my story. We can’t choose the family we have. But there is no reason why you should not have a relationship with them. I often hear stories of people who disown their family because they move up in life and don’t want the embarrassment, or they may be ashamed, or they are trying to run away from that part of their life. I would encourage you to re-evaluate your decision. We are all God’s children. As Robin Roberts (from Good Morning America) once said, “Make your mess your message.”
Try to look at things through God’s eyes. We are only given one life.
Until next time,
DMS
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5 comment(s) so far...
Re: The Importance of Family
Wow! DeShawn, are you sure you're not part of the "Wilkins" family? lol My oldest sister is not wealthy by any means, but she has more than the rest of us (3 younger siblings, and I'm the youngest) Anyway, I know she wishes that she had a "private" phone that our calls could go to. She's single and has no children. She's always been good with managing money, while the rest of us, well let's say, it's taken more time for us to become fair at it. After losing our mom at age 69 in July 2008, our lives did a nose dive, especially for me. My sister really has a big heart, but she gets so frustrated with us. She's told us on many occasions that she wishes she was an orphan. I always think how hurtful this is, but she's entitled to her opinion. I can't imagine ever saying that about my sisters, no matter how mad I might become at them. I think like you do, that family is all that you have. We don't have a big family, and again, like you, I've never been close with my dad's side of the family and have many relatives that live in Georgia that I have yet to meet, in my mid 40s.
Anyway, I'm so impressed by all that you do and pray that God will continue to bless you and your family. I'm praying that he will send some peace of mind on my household and continue to keep a watchful eye on my daughter.
Peace be still
By Vetta on
Thursday, January 15, 2009
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Re: The Importance of Family
Very well said DeShawn and my condolences for the loss of your precious family member. I am certainly empowered by your advice of setting healthy boundaries with family and friends as opposed to disassociating with them. Thanks for sharing your story and I look forward to seeing what great things God has in store for you for placing Him first in your life and not being ashamed to share your faith on such a mainstream platform, such as The Real Housewives.....you're the Real Diva!
Tammy
Birmingham, AL
By tamikiah1 on
Thursday, January 15, 2009
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Re: The Importance of Family
I like what you have said DeShawn my condolences for the loss of your aunt. I have an aunt who is brain dead and it is really hard for her children because they are fussing and fighting, and it makes no sense. I am really hurt by this and so is the rest of my family because she is very dear even though she had to go to dialysis, and she had Alzhimer disease, but the family is really taking to heart because that was their mother friend, aunt, sister sister-in law and a grandmother. You are a Diva to keep it together at a tilme like this
Breana
New York, Ny and Simsonville South Carolina
By Babyg29681 on
Monday, January 26, 2009
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Re: The Importance of Family
You are so very true, in that you cannot pick your family and sometimes even your friends and when they come to you it is because they know you are a rock that they may be able to lean on. If they take advantage the loss is theirs but relationships once broken and lines once cut are harder to repair. God Bless and Keep being such an empowering force to us ladies out there.
By Jpalm2 on
Monday, January 26, 2009
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Re: The Importance of Family
I could really relate to what you said concerning your family. I recently gave my life to God and I believe that he sent me to this website. I am in a similar situation with my family. I do not really talk to them and I can't even remember why. After my mom passed everything changed. Your words are inspiring. You are a very warm and open person and I love how you are giving back. You are blessed and God will continue blessing you because you are a blessing to so many!! I loved you on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and your beautiful spirit will definitely be missed.
By kaygee27 on
Friday, July 10, 2009
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