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In life many times we become the main agenda. Most of the time we get upset because we think it is about us. Even our prayers are about us. It is a spirit of lust.
Love gives at the expense of the giver (self). Lust takes at the expense of others. Lust is progressive in nature; you cannot satisfy a lustful spirit.
It has been very hard for me in the past to develop lasting relationships. I have been burned many, many times—from childhood best friends to family members. I learned at an early age that at the end of the day, the only person I could count on was myself.
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Love is patient. While it is waiting, it is kind.
I would go through life always second-guessing people and not getting emotionally attached. Eventually it got to the point where it didn’t affect me at all. It was very simple for me to just cut people out of my life and never look back. I learned later in life that the coping mechanism I developed was very unhealthy. I knew that in order for me to walk in the full glory of God, I had to release the bitterness. I had to pray to God to soften my heart and to allow myself to forgive.
I received a message in bible study one day that was very relevant to my situation. I was reminded that we serve a God that is all about relationships. The people closest to us will determine the outcome of our life. Life is built on relationships. Proverb 18:1 says that an unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defiles all sound judgment. You can’t isolate yourself. This celebrates selfishness. We are not made to be dependent but interdependent.
Our highest potential is only realized when we take the risk to believe in one another. We need to become transparent. We don’t need to be involved with temporary relationships.
The following are requirements for a relationship:
- Invite people in your space who can make deposits in your life and in the lives of others.
- Spend time with giving people. It’s not about the amount; it’s about the heart.
- Spend time sowing word seeds into people who are ready to make life changes. Be mindful of whether or not my word is respected.
- Use the term friend lightly. A true friend is always loyal and a brother is born to help in time of need (Proverbs 17:17 TLB)
- Have friends that value God’s word more than relationships. They must be willing to correct you when you are wrong.
- Have someone to walk with that will stand up for you when you are not around. If someone is silent, that means they are in agreement.
- Be around people that will get you excited.
Marriage is the perfect example of a giving relationship. In Ephesians 5:21-22, we are taught to honor Christ by submitting to each other. We, as wives, are instructed to submit unto our husband’s leadership in the same way that we submit to the Lord.
Submission for all of us is a daily challenge-especially for those of us who are used to controlling situations.
If you don’t die to your ambitions, desires, and flesh, you will never walk in the fullness of the glory of God. Likewise, with marriage and other relationships we must consistently strive to live a life of sacrifice as Christ did for us!
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| Let's Talk About Love and Relationships
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If someone were to look at your group of friends today, what will they learn about your future?
Last Post 11 Oct 2009 03:18 AM by yolanda2434. 46 Replies. |
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DeShawn Snow
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| 09 Aug 2008 05:59 PM |
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Many prophets and pastors have stated, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future”.
If someone were to look at your group of friends today, what will they learn about your future? |
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coco85
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| 04 Sep 2008 06:11 PM |
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I have very few friends, 2 to be honest. One is a gay male and the other well let's just say I am the god mother to her daughter whom I love like my own but the mom has issues and I try to help her out as much as possible. I am not sure what the future holds for me but I can say that I live a very blessed life. I am the mother of 2 and wife to a wonderful man. I have problems in the past with friends whom require more attention than my own family. I really want to have more friends but I am not sure why my heart will not allow me to open up. I have been so wounded by friendship in the past. I tend to be the person who is up beat, happy and truly in love with my life, the friends I have had in the past have been scorned, unhappy and they tend to want my energy to flow through them and want to live the life I live. Well after getting the energy sucked out of me I have kept to myself and find it hard to let people in. I think if someone were to look at my friends today they would probably say... Why do you do this to yourself?
I do not want to be without friends but I am beginning to feel like I do not need the friends that I have today. They are very stressfull. So I hope this does not mean that my future will be stressfull. I am a very happy, giving person. I do not burden my friends with problems. I guess due to the way I live my life I tend to get people in my life who need help and think that I have the answers. How can I find people who live life the way I do. Happy, Stress free, and in love with their husband and kids. True freindship is hard to find. |
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P. RENE
New Member
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| 26 Sep 2008 01:32 AM |
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My friends are beautiful! They are ALWAYS available for me & I thank God for them. We are all approaching forty and seem to be in a horrible rush to be somewhere greater, professionally, spiritually and emotionally by forty. This greatness, I know, is within arms reach...and looking at us, one would think that we are in that place right now... |
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china
New Member
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| 03 Oct 2008 06:20 AM |
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Just this year, I finally had the courage to sever ties with a close friend. It was tough, but it was something I had to do in order for me to start living my best life. True friendship is indeed hard to find. True anything for that matter. No relationship should ever be a burden to you. I endured years of manipulation and jealousy and I always took it for something else thinking this person would never feel such ill feelings towards me. I finally woke up in January of this year and haven't looked back since. I missed her wedding and her baby shower, for both I received a last minute email invite (she lives in another city) and she had the nerve to be mad at me for not showing up. I was extra grateful for seeing the light and not having to feed into her "it was my big day" rant. But this is when I realized that I was the only real friend she ever had.
My other close friends have been there since mddle and high school. The crazy things is that none of my friends get along with each other, so I have my own individual relationship each one. I haven't had a group of friends since freshman year in college, but we all still keep in touch.
At times, I miss the days my phone rang off the hook or when I always had someone to go somewhere with, but I rather have peace than the drama that comes with maintaining friendships as an adult. I'm 28, and I just think a lot my peers, myself included, are just trying to find our place in life professionally, personally, spiritually, and the superficial things that keep friendships going in our youth just don't do it anymore. |
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tiggerbouce
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| 08 Oct 2008 10:46 PM |
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I am 39 years old. I will be 40 very, very soon. I have one close friend. She is my aunt. I have not kept a single relationship in my life. When I move, I leave my life behind me. I do not even have a close relationship with my own family anymore. I have found that family can create the most chaos in my life. Now we live two states away from them. Life is calmer now. I know that whenever people have gotten into my personal space, I have always held them back.
If I had to judge my future by my friends, I would say that it would be very empty.
I better start making friends! |
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karent
New Member
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| 09 Oct 2008 12:57 AM |
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If someone looked at me they wouldn't see a group friends. Just 1 very good friend, we leave in different states we talk everyday, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. We both have been thru so much but we both are trying to show each other and encourage each other, that we are not what people have or what we (I) have aloowed them to label us to be.I'm beginning to realize that GOD as a plan a DESTINY for my life, and it is more than I can probably even dream of. I just try and remiind myself it is never to late in life, and I'm tring to learn not to be so hard on myself. I pray when someone looks at me that will see a BRIGHT and BIG FUTURE with a group of of really great friends GOD as BLESSED me with. |
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LC
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| 09 Oct 2008 03:18 PM |
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If someone were to look at my friends, they would see that I have one close friend that motivates me and keeps me inspired and I provide the same support for her. I once had three close girlfriends, but that has come down to one. I learned that you really have to be careful who you allow in your space and call a friend. The energy that we put out is the energy that we get back, and I only allow positive energy and experiences to be welcomed into my personal space. That wasn’t always the case and I was consumed and surrounded my negative people who did motivate me spiritually. One who I thought was really my friend after so many years, began to show her true colors and became very judgmental, and I had to ask myself, can I really be friends with a person who can't be true to them self? If one was to look at her they would have thought my future would be built on a foundation of lies and deceit and that's not the type of person I am. After meeting now the person I consider my true friend, the outlook on my future has taken on a new image. One that is painted with honesty and the ability to go out and do what makes me happy, one where I am free to be me and not be judged on the decisions that I make for myself and my family. I love my other female acquaintances because that is just the type of person I am, but the love I have for my friend can go unspoken and it still has the ability to run deep. That group I once had is no more; I would rather stand alone on my beliefs and principles than to be lumped in with a group whose image and reputation is less than creditable.
God has a way showing up and giving you what you need right on time and also taking things and people away that mean you no good. We as humans have to open and willing to follow God's lead.
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Jo
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| 15 Oct 2008 03:39 AM |
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I do not have a group of friends. I can not honestly even say I have one real friend. I have been burned by 3 best friends in my life and my very own sister. I sometimes felt like something was wrong with me because I was not surrounded by a group of friends. I soon realized that something was right with me and it made those who did not mean me any good flee from my presence. I often wonder where all the good women are. Meaning women that have depth and substinance. Women with the same hopes and desires for a peaceful happy fulfiling life such as myself. Most of my old friends were only into fashion, running in the street trying to attract men, or just had not motivation to improve or be more. I have found my true happiness was not in friends or seeking friends, but being selfless and being a blessing to others. I have been on a quest for years trying to find happiness. I just turned 35 a few weeks ago and I think I finally got it. Being a blessing to others and giving of myself without any expectations brings me so much joy. It is great to be surrounded by people (the right people) but I learned that I have to be whole first and then I will attract other people like myself into my life. It is a blessing everyday that I wake up. I thank the Lord continously for the gift of life and the opportunity to be a blessing to someone each and everyday. |
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Niki215
New Member
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| 15 Oct 2008 12:30 PM |
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I hate to say this but to be honest they would probably think that my future was meaningless. In my circle of friends not one of us is married. We all have kids but that's it. I've been in the same relationship for 8 yrs. and I have no ring. Before that I was with my daughter's father for 9 yrs. All of my friends have kids and none are with their kids father and neither am I. I have seen the heartaches over the years and it bothers me to the core but what am I to do? I can't tell someone, especially a grown women, how to live their lives, especially since mine is not all that glamorous either. Someone told me that if I surrounded myself with positive people that that would motivate me to be positive and successful. I agree somewhat but that does not mean that my friends are not positive. They choose to do what they do and live the way they live and choose to do and live my way and together at the end of the day we can still come together and have a good time. But I think that everyone needs to re-evaluate their lives and make drastic life changes...me included!!! |
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terersa
New Member
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| 15 Oct 2008 03:46 PM |
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I have 2 friends that i can really call my friends.I really love them as they were my on flesh and blood ,In my lifetime I have been thru a lot. I have allowed others in my life and they have hurt me.But the two freinds I have always help me thru hard timeand been there for me when i have had nothing.I just married about a month ago ,my husband family they tried everything in there power to break up our relationship,When I say that I don't get out are go anywhere I put god first then my husband.I run my own business from home, I am a customer service specialist for different companies ,I am currently starting my own baby clothing line.My husband is an Engineer we do have a great life.Why I think his family has a problem with me is that I don't run the street I keep to myself and I am a very out going person I always still respect them even when they continuie to do things to me for no reason.My two friends one live in MS,and the other int STL they are what i think woman should be like loving kind and giving one is a Nurse,STL and the other a School Teacher,and they love there jobs because they are giving,I wish we were all in the same place but we are not I am in Memphis Tn go tigers! I do talk with the aleast once a day.I am trying devolope the best friend relationship with my husband we are so use to doing thing own our own i had not been in a relationship for four years before I met my husband we married after a year of meeting.I could not trust men,because i had been hurt so bad by a man i loved all my life,I still have a hard time trusting but I am working thru that because i love my husband.What I have learn in life is love can over power anything and having loving friend and family is the greatest thing in the world,Still looking for a great friend were I live. |
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Diva40203
New Member
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| 15 Oct 2008 04:51 PM |
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If someone were to look at my group of friends they would learn that I deserve better. I have only about 2 people that I socialize with however I would not call either of them true friends. I have been friends with one of them for over 15 years and I'm only 30 years old. She is always negative about everything and she takes so much of my energy. I have recently decided to slowly back away from her. She is a struggling single parent of two and I try to help her whenever I can. I have decided to cut that out as well. Times are hard for most people now including myself and I am taking steps to improve my life and when I suggest positive things to her she always has a negative response to everything. I have no real friends and honestly it makes me sad because I feel that I am the best friend to people around me yet I have no one I can turn to when I need some inspiration or need help. |
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MO
New Member
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| 15 Oct 2008 07:45 PM |
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I have two true friends that I consider to be my sisters. Each are Godmothers to my 2 sons , which is a title I take very seriously and feel as though I made a very good decision. My friends and I have been through emotional rollercoasters with friendship " circles " and when all the drama, disbelief, and unexpected terms of actions and events calmed down, I had these true dear friends left. I have been friends with one for over 20 years and the other for about 16,17 years. I am thankful to God for blessing me with these unbelievable women in the life of myself as well as my children. They are God fearing, supportive, honest, dependable, trustworthy, accountable, unselfish, crazy, fun and loving. We have all " grown " together from the beginning stages of talking almost everyday, always having one or the other by my side whether it was at the grocery store, the mall , a concert, recital...anything. As we grew and had some ups and downs with acceptance of life changes, we have all accepted that even though these actions do not exist as often as they use to, we still can stand on our own two feet without leaning so hard on each other and it doesn't lessen the love we have for each other nor minimize the importance of our friendship. If people looked at the friends I have in my life they would acknowledge the fact that with any future endeavors I commence to making a reality, that my support system is very strong and will be there throughout any accomplishments or life lessons ( I don't believe in failures.....anymore lol ). They would look at my friends and see my future as bright and fulfilling and exactly the way God intended for it to be. If all of our futures were observed by each others friendship, all outcomes I believe would be the same. |
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NRB
New Member
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| 15 Oct 2008 10:35 PM |
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At the time, I'm rolling solo. I stopped going to a church I attended over 5 years and my relationships with my friends eventually faded. Initially, I was hurt. I cried a lot. But now, I believe its God Will for all of us. He is taking us places that require us to be alone. I decided to seek God and enjoy "Our" time together. One day he'll put friends in my life who I appreciate and support and vice versa. |
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Caramel Diva
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 03:06 AM |
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Well that is a question that I always put forth to others and I am a firm believer that you are who you associate yourself with and that is why I have rid myself of negative people for that reason. I know that God has destined for me to become someone great who will help others because he knows my heart. Right now I am going through my steps to my brighter future doing the kingdoms work and during this process I have learned who my friends are and who has remained a positive factor in my life. The Vision is so much clearer now.  |
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Nyla1273
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 04:48 AM |
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Woo thats a tuff question to tackle for me. Being in the military I moved a lot and was in and out of the country. So when I moved I left everything behind. I kept in touch with one friend that I grew up with but she has proven to not be such a good friend. Now that I am married, I have had the longing for some real girlfriend relationships but so far I havent been able to aquire any. I meet nice ladies often because my son plays organize sports but it has been hard for me to really open up to them. My relationship with myu mom has been distant for a very long time and I think that it effects me and the way i deal with other woman. |
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ondapath2christ
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 05:09 AM |
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I have very few friends, I am an only child so I use to always tell people that GOD was my best friend.I associate myself with postive people in all ways, not sayin that I dont run into negative ones, but I will deal, but in the long run I cherish my friends and we have to have positivity in our friendship. I like to encourage my friends and always give godly advice. I keep it real with my friends and give them respect. I seem to always bump into those friends that are going thru tough times and I usually encourage then and tell them about a day in my life and where I have been and what I have been thru. I have some friends that just call to vent and to get some positive information, they know I am there for them. I know that God has a plan for me, I am still waiting patiently and I keep my head up and ASAP-always say a prayer. |
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DaVonaD
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 03:51 PM |
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My friends are definitely a BIG piece of my world. Without them I don't think I would be able to make it through some of my toughest times. I love them with all my heart and soul. Our bond is so strong that nothing can break it. We know each other like the back of our hands. They are strong independent black women that have followed through on their plans. We are all doing what we love, in or graduated from college and pursuing a career that we've always dreamed about. We never succumbed to falling in the stigma of what America views a young black woman to be. We maintained high levels of responsibilities and we fight for our goals. We never back down to negative obstacles. We are all strong, educated Black women with our eyes on the prize and nothing is going to stop us from retrieving it. So if someone looks at my three best friends they will learn that my future will be that of a successful and courageous Black woman! |
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kd
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 09:04 PM |
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I am representing the Bahamas and our culture usually portrays the people of the Bahamas as very friendly.
I say that to say, that I have beautiful friends around me and in my life. I have just meet a new friend from school as I had recently completed my BA. Also I served a customer at work and we became best of friends. We have great relationships, we love, respect, and trust one another.
As someone would look at my friends today they would learn that my future will be very bright, successfull and prosperous. I feel this because my friends are alwayys there for me, all of them are successful in there own way, at least 95% of them have a personal relationship with the lord, and that they truly love me and have my back at the same time.
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kd
New Member
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| 16 Oct 2008 10:19 PM |
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This is excellent. I personally love to hear stories about black women who are trying to change the stigma of black women everywhere. It is so important to be proud of who you are and to achieve the goals and success for our future as black women. It is not mainly about color or race but have suffered for so long, it is just now time for us to shine. |
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wealthyplace
New Member
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| 17 Oct 2008 03:52 PM |
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It's funny that this is a question of topic...
I recently had to let my boyfriend of almost 4 years go.
We both are believers but I (we both) believe that We should separate.
It was HARD letting him go and I have to trust God that He will do what He said that HE would.
Only God knows my future, more than what I could see with my natural and spiritual eyes.
I care for him deeply, but I know that I must have women in my life to buld me up at the moment so that when my Boaz does come, that I will be inplace where God wants me to be.
So I guess the moral to my post is that it is better to trust God than our own emotions and what we think is right (or comfortable with). I (we)must love God more than we do the relationship! PRAY FOR ME! |
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