It's always easy to come up with a million things we can do "if he cheats". Personally I used to believe that the men I dated cheated on me because their was something wrong with me. It took many men and endless relationships to realized It's not what i'm lacking as a person buts the confidence they lack to be one women men.   We always tell our girlfriends if he cheats then leave your man, but how many of us has been cheated on and didn't leave our men, so ladies lets stop giving advise that we ourselves don't use and let give our girlfriends words of encouragement and the strength to get thru what can be a traumatizing situation, stop, listen, hug. That's what we should do.

Well, 1st let me say, SKEE-WEE, MY SOROR!  I greet you from the Epsilon Phi chapter of the FIRST & FINEST Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. in Little Rock, AR...Spring '05. 

I had to reply to this because I'm actually going through it.  For the sake of redundance, please see my responses to the Infidelity topic when they're posted.  It's TO dangerous and, for the most part, we women suffer with physical ailments of our most personal part because of men thinking with their 3rd leg!  That isn't fair to us and having a man isn't worth being riddled with infections and female illnesses because another woman's pH doesn't agree with our own!  At this point, I DO feel all men cheat and therefore do not know if I EVER want to get involved again.  And, the really sad part about it is men don't care that they're ripping our hearts out.  Now, I'm all for uplifting our black men because I have nephews I'm close to and I'm the mother of a 16 month old son that I'm grooming for greatness.  Not only that, I've always been about uplifing our black men and will continue to do so even though one has just about destroyed me.  But, right now, I don't trust any man and I'm looking  (cross-eyed) at some women because I know there are some scandalous b--ches who only go for MARRIED men.  In the words of Nene Leakes, "how small of you!" 

I'm prayerful and working on restoring ME to wholeness.  Not only for me but for my 2 beautiful children. 

Well, I have actually been in this situation twice in my life,(That I Know of).  The first time was with my very first true relationship.  When I met him he was not a looker at all, but I was not attracted to his looks......I was attracted to his personality, he kept me laughing!

Well, I made the terrible mistake of trying to make his appearance look better.  That just built up his confidence and after two children and a 7 year relationship, he had the nerve to cheat on me.  I don't know if I was more offended or hurt, he had the nerve to cheat on me!  I have always been a good woman and took good care of my man.........well that was my fault.........giving him too much without the I DO!  In a way I'm glad that I did not marry him, because I think that I would have been even more devistated!  To make a long story short...........He found out that I knew that he was cheating and wanted to try to work it out with me.......needless to say, I broke it off with the quickness, but we have maintained a close friendship to this day because of the children that we have together.....and he has always been a good father to his sons.....So I have no bad feelings towards him now and loss my attraction to him once I found out that he was a cheat!!  It just sickened me to the pit of my stomach knowing that he had been with someone else........to me that means that however many sexual partners that she had.......he had also.  I just thank my lucky stars that after the birth of my second son, we constantly used condoms, but I still had my self checked out and all is good.

So from this experience alone, when I meet a man and find out that he is creeping, He is dissed and dismissed immediately, there is no further conversation necessary.  I feel that whatever you give to a relationship, you should get in return.......and if a companion cannot respect you or your relationship, then he needs to keep it moving.  Men have a tendency of being selfish lovers......they want all that they can get, but at the same time, don't want to share what they have with anyone else.....MEN....GET REAL.....most women are hip to that old skool game and if you can't take it....then don't dish it out!

Now I have never got even by hooking up with another man.....I just simply will leave you alone.  Why should I go below my standards and disrespect my body by finding someone to cheat with in retaliation of a cheater?  Just get rid of the cheater.  Don't sleep with his friends, or brother.......you are just giving your goods away on a trial offer and that is still not going to change the fact that your man is a cheat!!

And for those married individuals, you gave an oath before God in your nuptuals and if that does not mean anything to you........then you just should not be married.  It is not fair to your spouse/or children that you are just a selfish and greedy person that will take all that is given to you.  Yes, you have some people out here that are strictly looking for a married person to creep with because they do not want any strings attached.  And yes, this is wrong, but it is up to the married people to be strong in their relationships and not let outsiders influence them to be disloyal and dishonest to their spouses.

If you have a spouse or companion that cheats, just simply leave them alone.  It is not worth your time, energy, or losing your spirituality to retaliate........it is more healthier for you just to simply leave them alone for good.  Yes, it may hurt depending on the amount of time that you invested, but a short time of hurt is much better than a lifetime of misery!

Stay Blessed!

   Having walked in these shoes as any woman would say, it doesn't feel good. I was married for 6 years and shortly after the I Do, God allowed me to see the things that I believe I was blind to while we were dating. I dealt with it. I would turn to my mother for advice and she would always say, "Baby, that's YOUR husband and you will make the right choice when you are TIRED."  I didn't understand that comment until I finally got fed up. We can complain about the situation, what we are going to do, and what we should do, but in the end if we are not FED up then we are going to tolerate it just a little bit longer regardless of the amount of advice we recieve from family and friends. Longer turns into days, weeks, months, and often times years. I felt betrayed, hurt, and after a while I grew numb.  I knew that we were both going through the motions in our marriage but I tried within myself to try and work through it all. I did all that I could on my end to try and make it work until I broke. I confronted, he denied. What I do not understand is, if you know you don't want to be with a person, why not walk away and than move on? 

   I avoided seeking advice from my girlfriends because all they would say is, girl you should leave him, but I knew that God hates divorce. My spiriutal sister however, directed me on a different approach. Pray until you get your breakthrough. I did just that. God worked in me and as I prayed things shifted in my life. I believe because I kept it at the forefront everyday about my desires He gave me what I wanted. I repented for my actions, divorce and I know that I am forgiven. So what do you do when he cheats? If you two are not married, move on. If you two are married than seek God's face for direction.

GIVE IT TO THE LORD--DO NOT CATCH A CHARGE--LIVE WITH PURPOSE--NOT IN PRISON!!!