First of all let me say that this is my first public blog post and I hope someone can give me some type of advice becuase I do not know what to do. have been friends with my neighbor basically since she moved into my building and we instantly hit it off. We would go out and party together and we would hang at either my house or hers. She is currently single and plays the field (a lot) and I am going through a on again off again realtionship with someone. I have never offered up advice on her personal "comings and goings" so to speak in that that area becuase I am a firm believer in unless you ask for adivce you are not ready to hear it because I am the type to give  it to you straight to the point with no chaser. Over the last several months I have begun to rebuild my relationship with my (we'll call him) signifigant other and started to spend more time with him. They actually get along and have become friends so I can include him in things we do and it not be a problem. I have never put her to the side or blew her off since we've worked things out but for some reason when we talk and I tell her things she sometimes alludes to bashing him or making negative comments. He is in the military and just depolyed so hes been gone from some months now. The same week he left I discovered I was pregnant (which whas a blessing for several reasons). We have been commuincating since he left recently we dicussing our child and I told him about some comments my neighbor and his "friend" had made. He revealed to me that I should not trust her completely because she had told him prior to him leaving that she believes that I either have tried to or have been intimate with my male roommate which is 1000% false although we joke but its strictly platonic between the two of us and my child's father understands that, respects my reasons for choosing to live with a male vice a female, and at the end of the day he trusts me. When I asked her about this she basically blew it off and said that she told him as a joke and it was no big deal. I feel like it is a very big deal for you to come into my relationship and say something like that. It has been a few weeks since we have hung out and I try to avoid her when I can just becuase I am still upset and hurt someone who says they are my friend would do that and then smile in my face and act as if no harm was done. I would never come to her home and let one of her men know that there was another one over two nights ago or anything like that. Gossip like that to me is petty is uncalled for. Am I wrong for wanting to end this freindship??

Princess:

I would like to start by saying that your feelings of uncertainty are quite normal. We as females do not realize that some of us are very sneaky individuals. My first thought is why did it take for you to tell him something she said in order for him to tell you what she said? He should have brought that to your attention immediately. My second thought is, if she said it as a joke- why was it not said in front of you? My point is that you have to be careful when dealing with people in general. Because both have some fault here. On his half- why wouldn't he defend you to say- "no I trust her, and I don't think that you should be saying something like that" and her half- when you confronted her- she should have did one of two things- 1. Fessed up and said yes I told him- I'm sorry that's what I was thinking, I know I was out of place and I hope you forgive me. 2. in the event she did say it to him jokingly- she should have said please get him on the phone so that I can clear this up. I will say this to you as a Christian woman I have realized that not every girlfriend you have is a "friend", and it hurts when you geniunely care for someone and find out your friendship was a total lie. It seems like there are some unanswered questions in this situation. In my opinion you need to get to the bottom of the story and then decide if you would want to continue a friendship with someone you can't trust- highly unlikely? I know you said that you met her a couple of years ago, you know that people come into your life for a season, a reason, and a lifetime- she may have been a seasonal friend and that season is up. I'm not saying to be rude or mean, or just cut her off completely- but the hanging out part of your relationship season may be over. Continue to deal with her with a Christlike attitude, because we are called as Christians to love even our enemies- so God requires much more for our friends. Be blessed and don't stress about this- you need to be healthy in order to deliver a healthy baby.

Princess,

I am a firm believer that when people show you who they are, BELIEVE them! This neighbor/friend has shown you that she does not have your happiness at heart, therefore, you need to back up and see her for who she is, not for who you would like her to be! I agree with the other posters when they said there is some jealousy there, but that is not your problem.

My advice to you: Don't go back and forth between the neighbor and your boyfriend trying to get to the bottom of this foolishness. She basically admitted telling him that even though she claims it was in a joking manner, so you know the words did come out of her mouth. I would leave it alone and move on with my life. Treat her cordially when you see her, but just know that this is not someone you can hang with or confide in--basically she is not the type of friend you need. She can be labeled as an acquaintance, but certainly not a friend. You just got the pebble--if you don't take heed, next will come the rock and then the boulder. Thank God for the pebble (the information you found out that was not potentially harmful to your relationship) because things could get worse. Learn the lesson and try to stay stress-free during your pregnancy.

Good luck to you and I pray you have a healthy and happy pregnancy!

Sharon

Hello ladies, wow I am loving the advice on here. Thank God for such wise sisters! Amen. Princess, the ladies have said it all. I would say just be very careful. Your future happiness and that of your family is not worth risking for someone who you treated as a friend but is clearly just treating you like a neighbour! Just be cordial to your 'friend' but confide in her no more. I suspect that your man didn't mention anything to you about her comment because he didn't want to stir anything up or upset you especially as you are pregnant and he wasn't around to discuss the matter with you in person (you mentioned he had recently been deployed). He then later may have felt the need to reveal matters to you after you revealed your 'friends' negative comments about him and he saw a pattern forming.

Best wishes to you for a health and happy pregnancy x